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Post by Tundras || Emerald on Jul 17, 2017 20:07:27 GMT
Character Name: Emerald Species: Wolf Age: 3 years old Gender: Female FeralHeart Username: Tundras Position wanting to achieve: Hunter Information on Character: Emerald is a shy, introverted wolf. She doesn't talk much, and only chooses to if necessary. This is what motivated her to practice hunting, thus making her have fun without feeling too uncomfortable. Of course, she still likes to be in company of friends, and is kind and honest once you get to know her. It can take a while to befriend her, but she knows a kind soul when she sees one. Emerald can get serious from time to time, but she doesn't have any bad intentions. A few questions we'd appreciate being answered: 1. How did you hear about the pack? I found this pack's advertisement in the forum and decided to give it a try~ 2. Why do you want to join the pack? It's a nice opportunity to spend more time with other people and have fun; this one was the most interesting I found, so I just went for it! Roleplay Sample; Emerald glanced at the sea, with a feeling of worry in her eyes. "What if I'm not worthy enough?", she whispered to herself. Closing her eyes, she confidently told herself that anyone could improve, and this included her. "That's right", she added, " I will gladly learn from my mistakes, no matter what it takes". ----- Edit from Layrx || Vadik Your corrected sample is shown below. Emerald glanced at the sea with a feeling of worry in her eyes. "What if I'm not worthy enough?" She whispered to herself. Closing her eyes, she confidently told herself that anyone could improve, including herself. "That's right," she added. "I will gladly learn from my mistakes, no matter what it takes."
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Post by Niovanti l Maniqe on Jul 17, 2017 20:13:03 GMT
Wonderful application! I'm sure you'll be able to get into the pack, good luck! ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by Tundras || Emerald on Jul 17, 2017 20:40:17 GMT
Wonderful application! I'm sure you'll be able to get into the pack, good luck! Thank you so much! It means a lot! ^^
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Post by Layrx || Vadik on Jul 17, 2017 20:40:46 GMT
Declined.
Although you put the effort in, your sample did not show us what we're looking for. There were a few errors in punctuation and placement of commas, as well as a quotation mark or two being out of place. You can make another attempt at this or you can wait and practice roleplaying before you try again. You have two (or possibly three) more chances to apply and try to get in. We're always around to help you practice, if you'd like.
Edit: Know that it was hard to decide this, but if you'd even like to correct a few of your errors, I can see about you joining us. Thank you!
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Post by Tundras || Emerald on Jul 17, 2017 21:00:58 GMT
Declined.
Although you put the effort in, your sample did not show us what we're looking for. There were a few errors in punctuation and placement of commas, as well as a quotation mark or two being out of place. You can make another attempt at this or you can wait and practice roleplaying before you try again. You have two (or possibly three) more chances to apply and try to get in. We're always around to help you practice, if you'd like.
Edit: Know that it was hard to decide this, but if you'd even like to correct a few of your errors, I can see about to joining us. Thank you! Punctuation is what I was most unsure about... I saw some commas were placed incorrectly after posting it and it was overall not-so-good. I was a bit nervous, but I understand! Thank you for keeping me in mind anyway! Please, tell me if there is any other way I could improve my next application, like adding more content to the roleplay sample, or if it's just about correcting my punctuation mistakes. Thanks once again! I'll do my best not to get so nervous next time. ^^'
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Post by Layrx || Vadik on Jul 17, 2017 21:25:58 GMT
Declined.
Although you put the effort in, your sample did not show us what we're looking for. There were a few errors in punctuation and placement of commas, as well as a quotation mark or two being out of place. You can make another attempt at this or you can wait and practice roleplaying before you try again. You have two (or possibly three) more chances to apply and try to get in. We're always around to help you practice, if you'd like.
Edit: Know that it was hard to decide this, but if you'd even like to correct a few of your errors, I can see about to joining us. Thank you! Punctuation is what I was most unsure about... I saw some commas were placed incorrectly after posting it and it was overall not-so-good. I was a bit nervous, but I understand! Thank you for keeping me in mind anyway! Please, tell me if there is any other way I could improve my next application, like adding more content to the roleplay sample, or if it's just about correcting my punctuation mistakes. Thanks once again! I'll do my best not to get so nervous next time. ^^' Try to add more content if you can. It'll help make up for one or two errors if it comes down to it. Other than that, take your time before you decide to try again!
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Post by Niovanti l Maniqe on Jul 17, 2017 21:33:55 GMT
No need to worry about the next time you submit an application, take your time. If you wish, we could meet in-game and I could try and help you with your roleplaying abilities.
Although I can say, that the next time you submit an application, take your time and look over your paragraph before posting it, this can help you out a lot, as it gives you time to check your spelling, punctuation, and grammar. For some people, it can be hard for them to post a good sample if they can't think of a good topic or, like myself, aren't all too good at beginning a roleplay for any reason, although being nervous can play a role in that, as well. As I said, I will always be willing to help you if you aren't too sure or you need the help.
I looked back over your original sentences, and I can say that with the punctuation, you should always put the comma, period, question mark, etc, on the left side of the quotation mark, as it's usually a part of your character's sentence. I'm not all too good with grammar, myself, so I may be wrong on this.
As Layrx said, a bit more content may also help, try adding detail, such as what your character sees, is the air cold? What do they feel beneath their paws? Are they in pain, curious, calm? Are they speaking to themselves, someone else, maybe another animal? This can greatly help to improve your sentences.
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Post by Tundras || Emerald on Jul 18, 2017 11:26:13 GMT
No need to worry about the next time you submit an application, take your time. If you wish, we could meet in-game and I could try and help you with your roleplaying abilities.
Although I can say, that the next time you submit an application, take your time and look over your paragraph before posting it, this can help you out a lot, as it gives you time to check your spelling, punctuation, and grammar. For some people, it can be hard for them to post a good sample if they can't think of a good topic or, like myself, aren't all too good at beginning a roleplay for any reason, although being nervous can play a role in that, as well. As I said, I will always be willing to help you if you aren't too sure or you need the help.
I looked back over your original sentences, and I can say that with the punctuation, you should always put the comma, period, question mark, etc, on the left side of the quotation mark, as it's usually a part of your character's sentence. I'm not all too good with grammar, myself, so I may be wrong on this.
As Layrx said, a bit more content may also help, try adding detail, such as what your character sees, is the air cold? What do they feel beneath their paws? Are they in pain, curious, calm? Are they speaking to themselves, someone else, maybe another animal? This can greatly help to improve your sentences.
That's really good advice, thank you! I should practice more, that's for sure. I will keep all these tips in mind and hope it'll turn out better next time~ I always accept help when offered, it'd be a pleasure to meet you in-game if you'd like! It's been years since I last RP'd... I'm still a bit rusty and I don't have many people to practice with. Anyways, I'm really grateful for the help I'm already receiving from you!
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Post by Niovanti l Maniqe on Jul 18, 2017 21:24:13 GMT
Alrighty, my username is XxComatosaxX, go ahead and send over a friend request if you can, we could also set up a time, whatever works for you. I'll be willing to help you at any time, so feel free to ask. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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